So almost two weeks ago, I went to the courthouse and filed the paperwork to start divorce proceedings. I was a little surprised that Mr. D didn’t totally lose his shit after being served. I did have to block him on all social media accounts, phones and emails within a week though. Yes, he eventually started spouting off behind his keyboard, so he got blocked! I’m ready to close this chapter of my book once and for all. I’m ready to be done with everything that connects me to him. I truly dislike him at this point!

As for the divorce, yes it makes me sad. Not that he and I are over, but that once again I have another failed marriage. This divorce is the smartest decision I have made in years but it doesn’t mean that I’m not disappointed. I had been single for ten years when I let Mr. Amazing into my life. Back then I thought he was Mr. Amazing. Boy was I wrong! I guess we can refer to him as Mr. Disappointment (Mr. D) through out the rest of my blogs as I won’t call him out by name on this public forum. Those of you who personally know me already know his name.

Anyways, I am disappointed. There is no one out there who plans a wedding and gets married just to get divorced. That’s is never anyone’s intentions. But shit happens! Divorce happens! And it sucks! Could I give it one more chance? Of course I could, but if I did, I’d probably end up dead. Not because he would do something to end my life, but because I was already dying on the inside. For the last two years, on my drive home from work my chest would start to hurt, I’d feel everything getting tight. It was like breathing hurt. I felt like there were bricks on my lungs. I did not want to walk into my house in the evenings. I was in fear of what I would walk into.

I had become a person I did not like because of the mental anguish Mr. Disappointment had put me through over the years. I was not a nice person any longer. I hate the person I became! The thoughts that were stuck in my head were absolutely horrible. I had gotten to a point where I dreamed of his COPD getting the best of him, so that I could finally have some sort of peace. I begged God daily for six years to help him change. But the answer never seemed to come.

One night, I asked God to help me. I asked him to heal my heart and my mind. I asked him to shut my mouth. Let me tell you, my mouth became dangerous. The words I spoke could really hurt a person, who was capable of feeling! Finally, I asked God to help me find a house I could afford. I asked him to make a way. Three days later, a house I could afford was basically dropped in my lap. What changed? The way I prayed changed. God knew, that I was in a place that there was no coming back from without him. When I asked him to heal my heart and mind, rather than making Mr. “D” change, he answered!

So, here I am, waiting for those sixty days to pass. I will be divorced again, and as sad as it is, it’s ok! God is still working on me. I am one step closer to becoming Michelle again! For that I am thankful!
In my next post, my plan is to dive into how we got here. Like I said before, Divorce was not in my plan but here we are. So with that, I’ll say goodnight. Be blessed!

Please feel free to leave a comment below to let me know you have read this and the rest of my posts under the My Journey category!